Since we know everything there is to know about condos in Toronto, we obviously know which Toronto condos would be the best places to live to survive the zombie apocalypse. In the spirit of the season, we thought we would share this very important information with everyone.
Best Toronto condos to survive the zombie apocalypse
#6 – One Bloor (Yonge and Bloor)
At first glance, this 75 storey condo tower at the corner of Yonge and Bloor seems like a great place to last out against hordes of the undead. Gather friends and family and take refuge way up in a 1,500 sqft penthouse unit with two or three-bedrooms, two baths, and huge floor-to-ceiling windows from which you can watch the world end. At 75 storeys, no zombies are ever coming all the way up to eat your delicious brains. Then again, you’re probably never getting out of One Bloor, either! Once that power goes out, say goodbye to those convenient elevators, not to mention your running water!
Verdict: Safe but stupid
#5 – DNA (King West)
Given its name, this 16-storey condo building at King and Shaw with it’s spacious terraced balconies is obviously the place where all the radical scientists will gather with their theories about creating a cure for zombie-infected blood. Actually, that might already be happening at DNA condos (you didn’t hear it from us). With it’s rooftop terrace garden and common BBQ stations, survivors here will be able to grow their own fruits and vegetables and stay safe and well-fed for months.
Verdict: Wait, what will they be barbecuing?
#4 – Tip Top Lofts (Fort York)
Now this iconic loft conversion building in the lower end of the Fort York neighbourhood is an excellent choice for surviving the zombie apocalypse for two main reasons. First, Tip Top Lofts is right on Lake Shore Boulevard West, within walking distance of the waterfront and two Toronto yacht clubs. They always say the safest place to be is out on the water, so if things really go south you can grab one of those beautiful boats and sail off to safety. And second, even during the zombie apocalypse it’s absolutely critical that your outfit remains tip-top. #dadjoke
Verdict: Please don’t try to be funny again.
#3 – ARC (North York)
Anchored in North York, safely away from the madness and mayhem of downtown Toronto, ARC condos is where the real doomsday folks will flock. ARC condos has everything you need for survival. It’s right beside the Bayview Village Shopping Centre, where you can find a Loblaws grocery store to stock up on food, and a Shoppers Drug Mart for all your first-aid needs (which you can never have enough of in a world full of flesh-eating zombies). And best of all, when the zombie apocalypse is followed by a giant flood, all the righteous dooms-dayers can hop aboard this condo building that, if you haven’t noticed, is just waiting to transform into a giant ship.
Verdict: Depends if it’s a pet-friendly ship.
#2 – Festival Tower (King West)
Let’s be honest, when the zombie apocalypse happens most people will have no idea what to do and mass panic will ensue. The sensible people, however, will know to keep their calm and stroll on over to Festival Tower at King and John, the 42-storey condo tower perched on top of the TIFF Bell Lightbox Theatre. These people will know that trying to survive “out there” is hopeless, and they will spend the last days of their lives tranquilly eating popcorn and watching great cinema from around the world — right until the zombies break in and eat up their brains.
Verdict: Do you want butter on your brains?
#1 – Maple Leaf Square (The Core)
That’s right, the best place to live during the zombie apocalypse is 55 Bremner Boulevard in the downtown Core, because nothing says trying tirelessly to survive against tragic odds like a maple leaf. First off, Maple Leaf Square condos has direct access to Toronto’s underground PATH system, which means survivors will be able to get around comfortably during the winter (you know while they scavenge for food scraps, clean clothes, and sterile toiletries). Next, there is a Longo’s grocery store in the ground floor of this address, so you can quickly stock up on food as soon as the zombies pop out of their graves. And lastly, and most importantly, the ground floor convenience of Maple Leaf Square also includes an LCBO! While we may not actually know everything, we do know that the best way to survive the zombie apocalypse is with a drink in your hand.
Verdict: Mmm . . . maple flavoured bourbon.